The Rundown
Dan Williams is a young widower who lives a quiet life on a ranch west of San Jose, California with his dog, Syd. When his neighbor, Dr. Wallis, is found dead in his workshop/garage and Dan’s bloody hammer is at the crime scene, Dan becomes a suspect in the murder. He and his two uncles begin their own investigation to prove Dan’s innocence and find the real killer. Searching the workshop, they find a hidden underground room filled with the retired physicist’s mysterious work. Dr. Willis had been looking for Nazi submarines carrying gold that had sunk off the coast of Argentina near the end of WWII. Someone clearly wanted his research enough to kill for it.
The plot itself is interesting and will hold the reader’s attention, but not without a lot of effort to get through the tiresome writing. While Patton does a great job of scene setting, too often, there is an overabundance of irrelevant detail–description for its own sake rather than to advance the plot. The same level of detail that places the reader in a scene is overkill when moving a character around in that scene. Rather than build tension, this merely bogs down the action. Conversely, where there is too much showing of the mundane activity like getting from point A to B, or turning on a light switch, there’s too much telling about the characters’ backstories, appearance, and personalities–much of it unimportant to the story itself. Some substantive and copy editing could improve the flow and readability by balancing the showing/telling into a smoother narrative flow, and eliminating the plodding and irrelevant descriptions. One of the greatest dangers of too much exposition is getting it wrong. Particularly if a detailed description’s accuracy is crucial to the reader’s suspension of disbelief. In this case, an error explaining some basic high school chemistry–an unnecessary explanation–spoils what otherwise would have been a satisfactory ending.
Providing enough detail to make events believable without going overboard is a fine balancing act that takes practice for any writer, especially new writers. Mr. Patton’s ability to develop an intriguing plot, as shown in Death in the Devil’s Range holds much promise for intriguing mysteries ahead when he finds that balance.
The Recommendation
Mystery readers will enjoy the interesting, well-plotted story, and dog-lovers will like the relationship of the main character with his dog. Those expecting a fast-paced thriller might be disappointed with the tedious and uneven pace. A good substantive edit would improve the flow, ramp up the tension and readability, and correct an easily avoided error.
The Rating
2.5 Stars (out of 5): Needs work. This book has promise, and with the help of an editing team, it could easily be reworked into a professional manuscript.
The Pros & Cons
Pros: PlotCons: Character Developement, Dialogue, Slow, Wordy
